just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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