I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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