Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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