I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
