could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
