my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Holy sore nipples Batman
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
