You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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