if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
