You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
