I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Who died my cat blue again?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
