a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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