...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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