wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I stole a fireplace last night.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
