you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
