Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
