just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
