is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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