I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
