No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
