I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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