Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
