I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
