the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Randomize
