I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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