1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You have to summon your inner elephant
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
