Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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