singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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