We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
