So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
