so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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