Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
