After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
