I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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