the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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