I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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