Having a random hookup so left but love u
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
