so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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