I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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