Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
