I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
