I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
