I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
