So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
