Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
