I'm sorry my penis didn't work
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
