my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
