Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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