i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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