Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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