I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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