u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
