I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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