i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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