Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
