Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
