you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
