I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
