I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
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I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
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I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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