can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
