she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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