when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
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I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
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Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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