They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
